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dying_to_live07's journal
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| -From the depths of my heart- 13 most recent entries |
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Maria flew open the door to the freezer and grabbed a piece of left over ice cream cake form last night and slid down the hall in her socks missing the door of her room and then running back; she plopped her book bag right next to her twin size bed, pasted to the side of her room, covered with a white bed spread polka-dotted with blue and yellow and a small fuzzy blanket she would hug close to her on cold nights. She had lots of pillows, 2 in pillow case decorated the same as her bed that her 14 year old Elmo doll hid behind, but the she had a few fuzzy ones she made her self, some round, some square, some knotted on the side and some sown together with ribbon along the end with blue beads attached. She walked over to her window filled her room with sunshine and filtered with thin white curtains that danced when the wind blew. Maria opened her screen up so she could stick her head out the window, even if her mom didn’t like her doing that…she took a deep breath of the fresh air then brought her head back into the room and slipped a bite of ice cream cake into her mouth and placed the bowl on her small desk that sat right next to her bed, with her blue short reading lamp and polka-dotted lamp shade with beads just like her homemade pillows. She reached in to the wooden drawer and took out her favorite bracelet she had made out of the shells off of the Florida beach right over by her grandparents house. She kept all the Jewry that she made in there, and in the drawer below she kept all her supplies, like different strings and clasps, but mostly “Element” beads. Maria walked over to her long closet with mirror doors that slid in the back and front of each other. She pushed the doors away with responding sounds, as if a bubble gum machine went mad and poured them all out over a grocery store floor. She took out black leggings that were cut right above her ankles, and a small black leotard. She closed the door getting the same sound as it slid fast and stopped with a quiet “thump.” Maria reached her worn point shoes that leaned against her tall wooden book shell that didn’t expose a sliver of space for anything else to be placed on it. It was covered in books top to bottom except for a small, carved wooden box that was painted a think blood red and a brown border that she made in woodshop a few months ago. It was filled with names and pictures, of family friends, but some people she barley knew at all. It was closed with only a white ribbon rapped around the top and bottom. She took that box down and prayed for it every single night. These were people that never would leave her heart and she put their name in there just to make sure. Right next to her tall bookshelf was a computer desk. She had a thin screened shiny new laptop plugged into the wall, the rest of it was cluttered with news letter form the church with event dates all over them, and Christian rock CDs. And in the corner and the other side of her computer was her thick binder filled with poems and stories and her slick sliver camera that was filled with sky and Florida beach pictures, also catching a few cute guys in them too that she would show to Emily over Myspace. “Ring. Ring. Ring.” Her mother called on her cell phone form the car. “Hello…ok…in front of the house? …I’ll be right there” Maria leaned against the white wall and slipped her ballet shoes over top of her blistered feet. She fell on her fuzzy, striped throw rug and then lifted herself up and ran back across the wood floor out of the door grabbing her jacket on the hanger placed right next to her bed.
The four of them jumped out of the sandy car. Maria knew this couldn’t get any better: The sun out with a soft breeze, the beach totally clear, no sea weed, jelly fish, barley any people; nothing. She was hanging with the family, floating in the flawless, gentle ocean, and getting a tan at the same time, along with gorgeous sunset pictures, shopping later at her favorite store down the board walk and when they went back home grandma had a big meal sitting on the table with fresh green beans, roast beef, and a giant pot of whipped potatoes with homemade gravy. What could be better then taking off from school, to go down to Florida? She pondered that thought… ok nothing, absolutely nothing, or at least she knew nothing better. She was states away while her friends where sitting in a cold class room, although she did wish she could bring them, but then who would she tell all about her fabulous days at the beach?
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“Bye Hannah” “Bye, happy birthday” “Thanks!” She ran up to the door and pulled the balloons off the door knob smiling and walked in with the smell of garlic and tomatoes. Her dad was in front of the TV cutting up tomatoes and olives and pouring garlic in a big bowl; he made her favorite sauce. He turned around. “Hey baby, happy birthday, he took out a card and a beautiful bouquet of flowers, with sunflowers, her favorite. “Aw, thanks dad, they’re gorgeous.” She said with a huge smile. She ran up stairs to put he flowers in a vase; she sat the vase on her dresser, and read the card typed out and glued. It read: “Dear Maria, I wanted to take the time on such a special day to say a few things to you. It seems like just yesterday that you were all of 7.5 pounds and sleeping on my chest. And here you are, 14 years later, and all grown up, and you have grown into such a beautiful young lady, Not just pretty, but beautiful, Anyone can be born pretty, but you have taken the time and interest to be a beautiful person. You strive to be kind and gentle to others You’re someone who gives and doesn’t seek to take You enjoy the best things in life: friendship, music dance, and laughter. You live life with passion, and feel with such depth. I’m so proud of you as my daughter. And I wish you today the same joy that you give me everyday. Thank you for being who you are; you’re beautiful. Maria smiled with a tear traveling sown her rosy cheek and paused at her chin.
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Maria gazed across the room lost in thought. “Wow, have you ever seen eyes like that before”? Angela threw her hand in front her face, hoping she would even notice and stop staring at this guy she has been obsessing about for weeks. “You know, if you like him so much why don’t you just-” Maria butted in, “I know I know, ask him to the dance…but what if he doesn’t like me too, and well, I barley know him …or at least he knows nothing about me…” She turned her head to him again with a small relaxed sigh and smiled. “Or, you could just by a great opportunity!!” Angela encouraged her with a comforting smile. “For now… just let me dream…”Maria replied with another smile; that became endless from both of them. Angela rolled her eyes, “Ok, you do that.”
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“Squeak”! She opened the black, foldable stool and reached for the attic door that came down from the ceiling. She cracked the old door slightly then pulled it down slowly, her legs bending as if she was in a pleay, but now using all her leg strength to keep still. She carefully pulled down the old door, pulled her leg up over on the steps above her shoulder, and planted her hands on the handles of the stairs behind her, lifted her one foot balancing on the stool to the ball for her foot and then pushed her self up onto the few steps leading to the attic, not wanting to pull down the latter because she was eagar to get up there. She quickly snapped on the light and her play button on her boom box, expecting Charlie Peacock. She grasped her pen and opened her journal. In her mind, there was no better time then this one; this was the moments of everyday that made her day.
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“Riiiiiiiiiiiiing!” She ran down the steps. “Ah! Late to language again!!” (Her first days as a freshman well spent getting lost in the unfamiliar school.) Maria pushed her ink-covered hand decorated with a red and white glass bead bracelet she made the night before, through the wooden double doors. They swung behind her swiftly as she ran faster and faster down a third flight of steps. Her foot skipped a step. Her books all flew up from her arm, she caught a few and tried to regain her balance, but ended up rolling down the dusty steps getting dirt all over her black leggings which were tight to her muscular tan legs, with lace around the bottom, placed a few inches below her knee, and the short dress striped black and white, decorated with a big thick red belt along her slender waist. “Oh no…”She yelled squinting her eyes ready for a hard impact as she hit the ground (landing on her back). Her long beaded necklace broken and her face clouded with strands of long black silky hair. “Hey… are you ok!”, a voice called from above. Two hands with long nails coated in a red nail polish reached toward her. Maria’s deep blue eyes, painted with black mascara, glowed as she stared up to a familiar, friendly face. She reached for the two hands hovering above her. Her hair swept off of her china doll skin lifting to her feet, adorned in a pair of flat-footed narrow black shoes with stretchy straps that criss-crossed each other. Her few books she managed to catch, crashed to the ground with a loud thump as she rose to her feet. “Thanks Angie”, Maria replied with a smile, her cheeks glowing while she fixed her red bow, placing it back on the side of her head. “Didn’t expect that,” she tried to laugh.
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not a exactly a poem--- just a stuff lol
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i am always dreaming of you, and the more i do, the more my math grade drops, id rather stare into your beautiful hazel eyes then my teachers any day you personality just makes me want to talk to you more, you always seem to make me laugh, and if only you could see when you talk to me on the phone the smile on my face that doesn’t go away till you hang up. the person you desire to be when you are older shows your heart to reach out to people, and that you are outgoing, you have confidence like nothing is going to stop you, and if you cant do it on your own, you know god is going to be there right behind you. your heart and love for god is something i see in no other guy. you have a strong passion and love for him, and it shines through you like a light, you don’t hold back or ever hide it. your opinions and everything you believe in is spoken with confidence, and you have taught me a lot. your a strong and beautiful person, and i can see it as clear as day. i value a friendship with you so much, and i tremble at the thought of ever loosing it, what if you knew how much more i like you beyond a friendship, even if we were together, a relationship lasts only so long-when your 13... your such a cool person, i have never liked anyone as much as i do you, but you seem clueless to the fact-now-well-not exactly anymore.
"I love you."
Not sure if i can go another day without you. The seocond you left my heart felt like it dropped into my stomach. As each day goes by i miss you like i never have before, and the more i see you the more this unconditional love grows. It ripps me apart when im not with you. i cant describe the angusih so strong. My heart has begun to feel in sync wiht my body, which is why i am in fear of my life, because i think my heart may soon die out. All i want to do is just simply be with you and it kills me to know you are miles, and even mroe so weeks, away. I dont want to even imagine another day wihtout you. Every moment i see you gets shorter and slips away so soon, which makes me wonder, next time, will i ever see you at all? the words "i miss you" just cant discribe how i feel. but i know the words i love you will keep us close. if you promised i could see you- i would stop and moment- wake anytime to do so. i need just a hint of hope- please let me know i will see you soon. God help me, can i last another minute? post a comment
She brushed her ink covered hands through her hair and squeezed her eyes tightly at the throbbing pain in her head. It thumbed like her heart- that felt leik it was ready to burst out of her chest.
My heart rose up in my throat but its crying out for air, a hint, a breath of love. Fustration has built up a wall, standing solid in a fondation of fights, and i have sufficated in it all. Anger drowns each heart wiht hurt and flys off each person that steals the last word so it an be replaced with pride. But conciene will never cease to persecute pride developed of anothers pain. Each word i have herad is drenhed in rage. The more they yell, the more they try to defeat each other, but they are truly defeating themselves. Their words are just thrown back and forth but aren't even heard by another and continue to gain more hatred and destruciton. Continuing these fights is like stepping continuously into a fire, ignoring the fact that the fire has consumed all they used to have and love, and cannot be taken back. These wars are like tornados. They go after one thing, but often rip up anyting near it- purposely or not. This fighting, more then anyhting, betrays pain then just fustration. And like a cold, without choice, is shared with everyone around it.
10 seconds, 10 minutes, 10 hours,10 days...eternity... I just want to be with you. I just want to hear your voice that melts my heart; its so comforting and reasuring.
Drowning my wolrd out with music-hoping these four walls will melt away and still my savior is the only one left standing. |
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indescribable
loved
sad
blank
calm